In 1799, Denmark Vesey, a slave, bought a ticket to Charleston’s East Bay lottery.  He won.  With the stunning $1500 jackpot, he bought his own freedom.  Then for the next twenty some years, he planned and recruited for the fearsome Vesey Slave Uprising of 1822.

When you win the Mega-Millions jackpot tonight, what will you do with $540 million?

Hullo?! You’re not going to win the Mega-Millions jackpot. The odds are 1 in 175 million, the equivalent of getting hit by lightning 12 times in a row.  It’s not going to happen.

What does happen all the time, though, is winning mini-jackpots.  About a year ago, I picked an old sledgehammer for $2 in a pawn shop in Pascagoula, Mississippi .  It is functionally identical to this cheesy “War Hammer” that I spotted online yesterday being sold by Rogue Fitness…for $125.  That’s one hundred twenty five dollars.  That’s a Benjamin + a Jackson + a Lincoln. So how happy does that make me? Very happy – I just swung my one dollar sledgehammer around in big circles over my head to celebrate my $123 jackpot.

Now, the $123 I won by picking up a sledgehammer at a pawn shop rather than a Rogue War Hammer isn’t $123 I can spend on, say, the prix fixe at Bacchanalia.  But it becomes $123 worth of awesomeness when we use it tomorrow to get strong as a herd of ox.  And while queerfit Saturdays is not quite the kind of free Denmark Vesey bought with his jackpot winnings, it is and will forever be free in a mini-jackpot kind of way.  Every time you show up, that’s a $15 mini-jackpot right there.

So, better than sitting around hoping to win the mega millions, here’s two things you can do to make us all a whole lot richer:

1. Come to queerfit tomorrow, 10:00 at our new spot on the corner of Euclid Ave. NE and Hurt St. NE., in the small park immediately north of the Inman Park-Reynoldstown MARTA station.

2. Look around for dense, heavy things that we can heave, hoist, toss, pull, or push.  Some idears (as my mother calls loveable ideas):  logs of all sizes, large cement garden gnomes, your old army duffel bag that we can fill with sandbags, a 400 pound tire (as flipped here by this 61-yr old woman).  If you find something good, bring it tomorrow, or any Saturday.  Or if you need a truck to pick it up, let me know & I’ll go pick it up.

See you tomorrow.  And, just FYI, for all of us who know better but must buy a mega-millions ticket anyway for tonight’s drawing, Vesey’s winning number in the East Bay lottery was 1884.