Mittens has nothing personal against Big Bird, but promised during Wednesday night’s debate to cut funding to PBS if he’s elected President.

Today, he doubled down and announced that after careful consideration, the other thing he will no longer borrow money from China to fund is…Queerfit.

Despite Queefit’s great success as a totally free exercise program that increases health and wellness, government spending on Queerfit has got to stop. It’s the fiscally responsible thing to do. Cutting subsidies to Queerfit will help convince China to continue buying U.S. bonds so the U.S. can continue subsidizing the necessities: $191 million to the tobacco industry, $1.2 billion in coal subsidies, $400 billion for a fleet of F-35 Lightning II fighter jets, and another $400 million apiece for the Air Force to buy F-22 Raptors…which has a little design flaw that causes the pilots to pass out from lack of oxygen.

Wake up, pilots! We know how you feel – all those millions and billions makes me sleepy too. Trying to keep track of the quadrillions makes me feel like I’ve walked into Oz and the flying monkeys are flinging so much cash money around it’s hard to breath.

I agree, Mittens. We have got to stop borrowing money from China to subsidize a TV program that has taught millions of children how to say their ABCs with Richard Pryor attitude, love their elbows, and sing their way through being green or otherwise different. Sesame Street has just been so damned effective at teaching kids to read. All those first and second generation immigrant children, especially, including Chinese immigrant children, who then become so adept at the English language that they are able to bring over more of their Chinese relatives to become American citizens, and if that continues, good Lord, who’s going to be left in China to lend the United States any more money to finance important government programs like the $10 billion ballistic missile defense system that works no better than a squadron of flying monkeys?!

[I didn’t understand that last sentence either, but cue from Mittenhead, the combination of “immigrants,” “China,” a large number, and a rhetorical question should have worked you up into a big frothy lather. USA! USA! USA!]

As for cutting all government subsidies to Queerfit, I understand that too, Mitt. Something that’s free, effective, and group oriented is kind of socialist. Not to mention kind of gay. We’ll soldier on without your help, in our socialist gay way.

Tomorrow at 10:00, you unfunded muppets.  You know the spot – Euclid Ave. just north of the Inman Park/Reyoldstown MARTA station.