I have cancer. The pink kind.
It’s invasive, like a Viking, but not too aggressive. A stoned Viking. A cluster of stoned Vikings in pink tutus, broken through my milk duct and mounting an exceedingly desultory attack on my left breast. They’re not even attacking, even – mostly they’re milling around foraging for snacks.
Still, they’re Vikings.
When my doctor called to tell me, my first thought was, I better get a lot of free shit for this. My second: The free shit will all be crap. I turned to the internet. A quick search for long-term survival rates showed this is not going to kill me. A longer – alright, hours long – search for free stuff offered up scarves, teddy bears and robes galore. Also, free make-up, wigs and makeovers. Not a free tweed vest or bow-tie to be found in all of Cancerland.
Cancerland is what Barbara Ehrenreich called the ubiquitous, infantalizing world of pink she fell into when she had breast cancer in 2001. Twenty years earlier, when Audre Lorde had been diagnosed with the disease she chronicled in Cancer Journals, breast cancer was the opposite of ubiquitous. It was invisible. Now in October 2015, it being National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, breast cancer is not just ubiquitous; it’s friggin’ relentless.
Fear not – I’m not going to add to the onslaught by blogging daily on this page about my little cluster of stoned, pink tutu-ed Vikings. But I wanted to say “I have cancer” out loud, and I wanted to kvetch a little.
If you want something on the daily that is decidedly not pink, remember that our daily workouts have migrated to the Queerfit ATL page. If you want to join me as I prepare for a bilateral mastectomy by doing a lot of push-ups and eating greens every day, just ask to join the group and we’ll load you in.
I may come back here once in a while to think out loud about how I’m doing in Cancerland 2015. In the meantime, push-ups and greens, friends. And send over leads on any good, non-pink free shit.
15 responses to “So…”
Everette
October 13th, 2015 at 23:09
Boss Kung Li! I’m doing push-ups with you and eating greens. Yes, we have to find free shit that’s not pink! Down for the bow-ties.. Maybe the Indigo Girls can make a better t-shirt.. just saying.. sending love.
shaerobinson
October 14th, 2015 at 07:11
💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
My dear KL,
I thought I would have the urge to say things like, “we’re all in this together” and “blah blah blah”. But I don’t, because thats feels dumb and fairly inaccurate. Instead I have have the urge to say things like, “you’re Beyoncé , and I’m one of your devoted back-up dancers.” You take the lead and I’ll gladly support you in whatever way feels best. You’re the strongest person I know (relative to size).
All the love and all the push-ups,
SR
Cindy
October 14th, 2015 at 08:07
Yeah. What Shae said. You rock, too, Shae.
Whatever–and I do mean whatEVER you need, I’m there. That goes for you, also, Xochitl.
Kung Li, I would happily read your blogs about anything, cancer or no. I. Love. Your. Writing. It grabs me round the neck and shakes me down through every major organ and bone, and the minor ones, too. So, no, this Viking bunch is not going to kill you; I just won’t have it.
In your honor, I’m going to up my pull-ups in-a-row by one, every two weeks.
You got this, Kung Li.
And you got all my love, too.
Cindy
eunicehcho
October 14th, 2015 at 10:13
What everyone else said. We are all here for you. You have created a strong community and it will be here for you. And I know I’m not the only one looking forward to reading your reflections, should you want to share them. Big hugs.
Koko Puffs
October 14th, 2015 at 10:41
Thank you for sharing and trusting all of us with your entry into Cancerland. It does make a difference to know someone in Cancerland. Forces one to not treat the walks and talks as something abstract. I will also be doing push ups and eating greens (some chocolate too) with you. Love to you and Xochi
Katherine Bervera
October 15th, 2015 at 10:51
Thanks for your blog Kung Li. I’m looking forward to keeping up with it. Love to you, and also from your dog nephew, Milo.
Tishana
October 15th, 2015 at 12:12
Thanks, KungLi, for sharing with us. I’m on it. Pushups, greens, and sending love.
Eve
October 15th, 2015 at 16:45
I don’t pray, but I’m sending you many good vibes, healing wishes, and dedicated burpees from Chicago. You are one of the fiercest people I know and cancer should be scared as shit!
misha
October 21st, 2015 at 17:53
my deepest wishes for strength, resilience and good health are with you! thanks for sharing your story
dana
October 30th, 2015 at 22:08
Kung Li! thank you for sharing this. I am so sorry that you are going through this, and yet also so without a doubt in the world but that those little Vikings have no idea the force that they are up against, and stand not a chance. the given is that I and many others are very much thinking of you and Xochitl. the other thing is that you might find a package of bow ties on its way. maybe with some greens. go get em.
Amy v-c
October 30th, 2015 at 22:39
Kung Li. You are & will continue to be. And that is a relief to many of us. Thank you for sharing this. I am with you. Love.
Gail Tyree
October 30th, 2015 at 23:56
I do pray so I will start there. I don’t do push up, but I do make a mean pot of green. So I am in for the greens cook off. I will continually lift you and the family up in prayer.
Lizeth Gomez
October 31st, 2015 at 01:10
I read this. Had to walk away. Came back to read it again.
I lost a friend to cancer once. I swore off ever having friends with cancer ever again. I was 13. I thought life was hard enough as it is, without adding friends with cancer into the mix.
My friend,
I am so happy to hear that your pink Vikings are not aggressive, and that you will be around for a long time to come. Your words are beautiful. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us, and yet, somehow, being so eloquent as to give us all comfort through your struggle.
Thankfully, I started doing push ups last week (I could barely do 5), so I can now say that I am here with you and dedicate my push ups to you. I send you my love, my support, and my push ups. If there is anything I can do for you and Xochitl, please do not hesitate to ask. And I hope you find yourself swimming in not only the love of your community, but also, all the good free shit.
cindy wiesner
October 31st, 2015 at 08:25
there are so many people in your corner from near and far. appreciating your humor, your inner strength and dedication to living fully. we have not spoken in a long time, but you have always been a person that i admire and respect deeply. i am terrible at push-ups, can’t even do 2, but you have inspired me to learn.
rita
November 2nd, 2015 at 17:48
Kung Li – You know everyone is here for you. Me too – and having “been there and done that” a couple of times, I’d be much more than happy to share insights with you, if wanted. I’m here for you. Rita V